Hello I know its been a few days since I last wrote a post but Ive been very busy and had some crazy things happening in my personal life with my partner!
On Monday, I went to university and went to my friends house afterwards instead of doing this on Tuesday. This was one of my 'challenges'.
The next day I FINALLY got an appointment for coginitive behavioural therapy with the NHS that very day as there had been a cancellation with another patient. I was very dubious at this because my person centered therapy is working very well and I am working on the presumption that 'if something isnt broken, dont fix it'. However, I went along to see if the therapy could make any head way with my anxiety about travelling and about things I havnet yet accomplished eg going on holiday abroad. The session was very brief as it focused on introducing me to CBT and what it was about. I will let you know how I get on with it. My next appointment is 9.30am next Tuesday.
Anyway, my day became even more 'out of the blue' when I was informed my partner had been involved in an accident. This is all the information I can disclose unfortunately without making my blog biased and diverting from its true purpose. This made me slightly emotional last night but today I went to university again and did my food shopping.
Suprisingly I was very calm and relaxed going into my seminar. I was a little early but kept telling myself I would enjoy the hour as I like my lecturer and that it would only take an hour. Maybe this is because I had other things to focus on, but Id like to think it is because my anxiety is decreasing even more. My fleeting thoughts about 'being too far away from home' or 'not being able to breathe' are becoming less frequent the more I reassure myself with positive statements. This is a very comforting feeling and one I have waited for desperately! I also went food shopping and panicking did not cross my mind at all.
However, tomorrow my mother is taking our dog to the vets in another city, about an hour away. Im not sure if Im ready to challenge this length of journey yet, especially as my partner is having hospital treatment and Im quite stressed. I keep thinking this is a rubbish excuse and I should push myself though it. I will have a think about this tonight but I doubt I will go. This week has been quite stressfull so far, regarding my partner and I dont want to over do it.
I am feeling very content with my life and can't wait for my partner to be home. I have definitely come on 'leaps and bounds' since October 2011 and Im really proud of myself.
For about 10 minutes or so before writing this, I remebered having my panic attack and ringing my friend saying worrying things such as 'im going crazy, im going to hurt myself' because I just wanted the racing thoughts in my mind to dissapear and I couldnt stop panicking or calm myself down. Its really upsetting to think I said that about myself but also showed how far Ive really come. That night I wanted to be unconscious or asleep and now Im sat here talking about it and realising it will never happen again. I know I cannot erase the past, but I wont let it be my future. I think this is a very positive thought to leave my post on and I will write again tomorrow to let you know what I have decided to do!
I hope some of you are getting some useful information from my posts! You're not insane, you will get better and you are normal!
Goodnight and keep strong!
xx
On Monday, I went to university and went to my friends house afterwards instead of doing this on Tuesday. This was one of my 'challenges'.
The next day I FINALLY got an appointment for coginitive behavioural therapy with the NHS that very day as there had been a cancellation with another patient. I was very dubious at this because my person centered therapy is working very well and I am working on the presumption that 'if something isnt broken, dont fix it'. However, I went along to see if the therapy could make any head way with my anxiety about travelling and about things I havnet yet accomplished eg going on holiday abroad. The session was very brief as it focused on introducing me to CBT and what it was about. I will let you know how I get on with it. My next appointment is 9.30am next Tuesday.
Anyway, my day became even more 'out of the blue' when I was informed my partner had been involved in an accident. This is all the information I can disclose unfortunately without making my blog biased and diverting from its true purpose. This made me slightly emotional last night but today I went to university again and did my food shopping.
Suprisingly I was very calm and relaxed going into my seminar. I was a little early but kept telling myself I would enjoy the hour as I like my lecturer and that it would only take an hour. Maybe this is because I had other things to focus on, but Id like to think it is because my anxiety is decreasing even more. My fleeting thoughts about 'being too far away from home' or 'not being able to breathe' are becoming less frequent the more I reassure myself with positive statements. This is a very comforting feeling and one I have waited for desperately! I also went food shopping and panicking did not cross my mind at all.
However, tomorrow my mother is taking our dog to the vets in another city, about an hour away. Im not sure if Im ready to challenge this length of journey yet, especially as my partner is having hospital treatment and Im quite stressed. I keep thinking this is a rubbish excuse and I should push myself though it. I will have a think about this tonight but I doubt I will go. This week has been quite stressfull so far, regarding my partner and I dont want to over do it.
I am feeling very content with my life and can't wait for my partner to be home. I have definitely come on 'leaps and bounds' since October 2011 and Im really proud of myself.
For about 10 minutes or so before writing this, I remebered having my panic attack and ringing my friend saying worrying things such as 'im going crazy, im going to hurt myself' because I just wanted the racing thoughts in my mind to dissapear and I couldnt stop panicking or calm myself down. Its really upsetting to think I said that about myself but also showed how far Ive really come. That night I wanted to be unconscious or asleep and now Im sat here talking about it and realising it will never happen again. I know I cannot erase the past, but I wont let it be my future. I think this is a very positive thought to leave my post on and I will write again tomorrow to let you know what I have decided to do!
I hope some of you are getting some useful information from my posts! You're not insane, you will get better and you are normal!
Goodnight and keep strong!
xx
