Brilliant blog!

Found this blog whilst researching and the gentleman's tips are fantastic! Give them a go! I am definitely going to put his 'time and a place for worrying' suggestion into practice. Great metaphorical use by likening anxiety to a faulty alarm.

http://getoveranxiety.blogspot.com

MAKE A LIST CHALLENGE

Hello again. I know how hard it is to motivate yourself to do things whether social, domestic or work related so I thought you may like to participate in a challenge.
Make a list of things you would like to do, achievable or not which will begin on Monday. Lets say around 5 such as walking the dog for an extra 10 minutes than usual, food shopping alone, going out for a sociable meal with friends etc. I will also do this and post my list. Each day do 1 of these things. Hopefully this excercise will make you realise you can do things you previously thought you couldnt and encourage you because you know other people are also doing this! At the end of the week whether you have done 3 of these things or 5 you can be proud you did something you thought you couldnt! Even one thing is a step in the right direction! Get thinking x

Another day at uni!

Hello people!
This weekend I was very proud of myself because I went on a night out in the local town. I was abit worried about the journey there but I kept talking to my friends and thinking if I want to go home Ill just get a taxi. My night was really good and I even got a taxi home by myself! Today I went to uni and for the first time in about 5 months I didnt panic on the way there. I read my notes and made annotations. I must admit this made me feel a little travel sick but I kept thinking of positive things like going shopping afterwards with my dad and how excited Ill be to see my partner when he comes home. This kept me in good spirits and in my seminar, if i got panicky Id tell myself "its just one hour, dont think about your breathing just listen to your lecturer" I also thought to myself "you have no stress in your life" because do I really? No. I have a supportive dad who drives me to&from uni, a mother eager to give me hugs, my lovely cats who keep me company and my partner to look to the future with. This really put a positive spin on my day and I hope to keep thinking like this. As usual I will tell you that happiness really does play a role in my panic attacks and I think its essential to getting back to normal. I hope some of my posts are helping you. Like ive said before, in October 2011 I thought id rather be dead. Now in February Im conquering it. Love and support to you all. You CAN beat this x

My tips for happiness

Happiness has been a key factor in my life since this all began. If i wasn't having a panic attack, I was depressed because I though I was going to have one, I felt like it was ruining my life etc.
To combat this I propose you literally do what makes you happy whether this is going for a walk with your dog, watching your favourite films, having a pig out! , changing careers, crying when you need to release some stress...
Personally I was too hard on myself with university. I kept thinking I'm not doing as well as I did with my A levels, I wont get a 'top job'. This is ridiculous. Doing a law degree is hard enough and as long as I get the degree what else matters.
I was also unhappy with my relationship because my partner& I never communicated. This changed when we started to talk about our issues eg making time for eachother and this made me much happier because there wasnt as much tension and anamosity.
Some suggestions for you would be;
Get out of bed when you cannot be bothered! This made a huge change to me because my outlook on the day was a more productive one. My house is now tidy, well looked after and washing and ironing is always done. This in turn created a more positive atmosphere for me. A tidy home is a tidy mind! Plus this activity could be a distraction for you if youre feeling particulary anxious.
Crying. I always, always go on about crying. It is essential to releasing stress and emotions you're feeling. I actually read an article that said that crying releases the stress chemical in your tears. Although this can be stipulated, I think crying when you need to cry is essential. I speak to so many of my friends that say they cry for no apparent reason sometimes. Good! Crying never did anyone any harm. Bottling your feelings up is certainly not going to do anything positive for your mental and physical health. If you want to cry, sod it and cry!
Look forward to things. Make plans with family and friends so if you are having a bad day you have something to focus your mind on! "I can get through my day because.." I'm looking forward to my birthday in April and seeing my partner when he returns. This cheers me up when I'm low and I start to look for birthday decor, or thinking about what I can cook when hes home.
Exercise. Lots and lots of websites advise you to exercise when you're feeling low because it releases 'feel good' chemicals into your body. Personally I'm just happy with the thinking time that going for a walk or jog gives me. Its also a change of scenery if you have been stuck in the house or office and you need an escape.
Acceptance and forgiveness I was so angry with my mother and father for not listening to me for years when I used to panic which then culminated into panic disorder. My relationship with my mother suffered and this resulted in me isolating my from my family. I have now made peace with this because I realise I cannot change the past. This is my life and I will take control to make it better.
I was also fed up, frustrated, depressed that I had panic disorder. "Why me?" "why cant it just go away" Truth is sometimes it might happen but its not going to ruin my life. It will go away but it will just take time. Everybody in the world has been affected by some sort of mental illness whether it be depression, anxiety, grief... so I'm not a freak or 'not normal' because I panic, it is just a temporary ailment and I'm not going to be hard on myself because of it.
This is where my therapist really peed me off. She said "you shouldn't say that other people suffer so its OK because it sounds like you don't want to change" I do want to change and I will change, but whilst I am feeling like this I wont be angry or upset with myself because how will I ever be happy? I don't think she is right there.
Trust Yourself. This experience made me lose my confidence and rely on the opinions and advice of others. Obviously it is very beneficial to ask for help and I would suggest this 100% but also trust your own mind. From Octover 2011 I have become 'friends' with myself again. This may sound very strange but when I had my panic episode I lost all trust in my mind and body because I wasnt in control of them for those few days because of the panicky thoughts and sweating, trembling. Since then I have regained this by making my own mind up and trusting myself. I did this by thinking rationaly, doing little things by myself like going for a walk or going to the shops by myself. This made me realise I was safe to do things by myself without the reassurance of others and I was in control of my mind. I didnt rely on other people as much which made me feel more independant and that panic had less control over my life. This may be a strange concept to you but it has had a huge impact on me because I finally feel like Im back in control and can stop panic thoughts before they grow into a full blown panic attack.
Lastly, I'm not advising you go out, quit your job, split up with your partner and make rash decisions. I just think that making some minor changes to your lifestyle may benefit you if you're not in a happy place such as adding a walk to your daily routine, allowing yourself to have an emotional release, having a more positive outlook.
This is your life, you already have anxiety so dont let anything else affect you aswel :)

Friday

Hello! Yesterday I went to my friend's pub for a few hours. I was worried id feel a bit trapped once dropped off but because its my local area that I grew up in, I felt relaxed and eventually got a taxi home. This cheered me up a lot and showed me I can go back to my old sociable ways! Today I got a lift from another friend to H's house (a friend who no longer has panic attacks) We stopped at a petrol station and I didnt panic once because since the panic episodes I have only got lifts from my parents so I was really proud that Id broke that habit. I stayed at my friend's from half eight till half twelve with no urge to run home or panic! I just kept telling myself "you have money so if you wanted to go home you could"I stopped focusing on that and relaxed by 'getting into' the film we watched and concentrated on that. I turned down offers of wine because I was doing so well I didnt want to jepodise it. And to be honest I probably had a better time without it! We laughed and talked about old times and it felt as though nothing bad had ever happened to me. I urge you, if theres something you want to do, then do it. If your dog had an injured leg but you threw its ball, would it run? Yes because the enjoyment of chasing his ball would outweigh the pain. Live your life! Sometimes going to uni gets me down because its compulsory&not for my enjoyment and I think this contributes to the difficulty of pushing myself to go. The soul purpose of being sociable or active is for your enjoyment. Pushing yourself to do these things may be hard but these are things You enjoy so they will counter balance the panic you feel! Afterwards you will feel like you have accomplished something. I certainly feel like Im getting my life back even after the bad week I had previously. If I can do it, so can you! I believe in you.
I didnt have a counselling session because my mum's car was at the mechanic's but I feel fine and will be having another as usual next week. Stay positive, Goodnight!

Ash wednesday

Hello all! Decided I would give up panicking and alcohol for lent. I went to university today and kept telling myself "im happy, im fine and nothing bad will happen" This worked really well and although I had a little panic in my seminar who cares I still went :) I think a positive attitude is paramount with panic atracks. Ive since found some positive pictures that I think you may like

Confidential info on CBT waiting list times in NHS

So, I just came off the phone with a lady from the NHS who deals with CBT in this area. What I was told is absolutely disgusting and this is why it is paramount to support charities such as 'REthink' and others that push for change in the mental health sector.
The waiting time for any therapy in the NHS is 45 weeks. Yes weeks. Excuse my french but are they f****** mad!! Ive been on the list since April 2011 and apparently still have 10 weeks before I receive an appointment. What a good job I pay for therapy privately. But this is completely unnacceptable for people who cannot afford it and are desperate.
If you are in this position go to your GP and explain to them you need them to send a letter to the therapy services to hasten your appointment. Exhaust all of the self help techniques you can and talk to friends and family. It is alledged by the member of staff I spoke to that 500 people a month are referred to therapy services with only 5 clinicians. One thing that is clear is that the NHS is certainly not catering for the mentally ill and it is completely immoral and inhumane. If you need therapy make sure you are referred ASAP.
I do not want this post to worry you as you CAN help yourself. I havent had any CBT and just talk to my person centered therapist. You made not need it and waiting lists may be quicker and shorter where you are. Keep hopeful but also realistic. There is help out there, it may not be CBT and you will get better!

Happy shrove tuesday!

First of all I hope you've had your pancakes today!
I had a bad week last week and combined with my partner going away for a few months I was alltogether quite down in the dumps emotionally. Yesterday after I went to uni I decided to ring my friend 'H' to talk to her about how I felt. She also has panic attacks but has booked a holiday, holds down a job and does allsorts of things I havent mastered yet. I spoke to her about how down I was feeling and how I felt like panic attacks were again stopping me from living my life. She asked me what was the worst thing that was going to happen to me when I panicked. I said I dont know and she told me nothing. Of course I knew nothing would, its the fear of fear. This has put me in an optimistic mood. I know being frightened is absolutely horrible but its just a feeling and nothing bad is going to happen. Im going to keep telling myself this when I feel a bit anxious and keep thinking positive thoughts. I am going to starve the monster.
I felt quite bad when I started to let it take hold of me again as though Id failed but Ive not. I still go out and Ive come a long way. Sometimes you just need another kick up the bum to put you back on track. Im going for a run now as I find that quite relaxing and productive.
Have a lovely day!

Diary 6

Hello,
Had another counselling session on Friday. It went really well and I explained how depressing my week had been. She reiterated what I thought and told me that this was fine! After that I went food shopping feeling very positive and spent the weekend with my boyfriend. We went for a walk around the local park and even went to see his mother who I haven't been to see for months because of the panic attacks. This had made me feel really positive because I feel as though I have finally had a breakthrough. I think that my panic was attributed to the unaddressed stress and worries in my life. Now I am addressing these issues such as being frightened of being without my parents and seldom being independent, blocking out my feelings about my partner being away, being lonely living by myself and of the future I am starting to fight the panic a lot more. I have created the metaphorical situation in my mind that if I avoid situations, I am feeding the panic and making it into a giant monster that can ruin my life BUT if I carry on with my day to day life I will be starving the monster and eventually he will cease to exist :) I am not suggesting you give your panic a persona but to me it makes me feel as thought the panic is more conquerable and that I can fight it.
 The most important piece of advice I can give you at the moment is that you are OK. Human beings are absolutely amazing creatures that can come through anything including this. Don't be down hearted that you cannot do things right now, it will happen. Its OK to express your feelings. If I want to cry because my partner's gone, I will cry. And two things I have mentioned before, talking and positive thinking. Nothing bad is going to happen to you. Life is a beautiful gift that you have been given and do NOT let insignificant things ruin it for you. Your brain was built for these challenges, you can come through them.

Bad week

Hello, let me tell you where Im at this week. Was having a really down week where I let anxiety get ontop of me, kept thinking nothing would get better. I didnt get up till lunch time and rarely went out. Today I had enough and had an epiphany. Everybody gets sad, down and fed up. Anything from money, relationships, work or health upsets them and this is ok. We are humans and we are built to feel! Theres nothing wrong with being down aslong as it doesnt last forever. So what about this week, who cares :) Its normal to feel xx

Journey home

Bonjuar, On my way home now. Proud that I did attend my seminar but feeling a bit sad that I have to have this constant bloody battle with panic. On the plus side Im obviously winning although I think it would be useful to purchase my own car and travel independantly which would boost my confidence. I wish I had the money! Nomatter how I feel though panic hasnt stopped me today :) xxx

Journey to uni

Hello! I am currently on the motorway/highway/autobahn to university and thought I would blog about my trip. Slightly stressed because I got up late and have rushed around which has made me more anxious but Im trying to relax myself by doing breathing excercises and thinking positively. Im sweating quite alot (how attractive) but a friend of mine who also suffers from panic attacks has just booked a holiday abroad and this has spurred me on today. If she can do that, I can do this. Im already off the motorway :) Some positive statements I have been telling myself are; "in two hours ill be on my way home" "nothing bad is going to happen to me" These are helping a lot. I will blog on my journey home&let you know how Im feeling. Hope this was useful xxx

Myths and Facts of Mental Illness

Taken from 'Time to Change'

 

Myth or fact?

Challenging the myths about mental illness can be a good way to get people thinking and talking...

• Myth: People with mental illness can’t work. 
• Fact: Chances are, you probably work with someone with mental illness

• Myth: Mental health problems are very rare
• Fact: Mental health problems affect one in four people

• Myth: People with mental illness never recover
• Fact: People with mental illness can and do recover.

• Myth: People with mental health problems are different from normal people:
• Fact: We all have mental health, just like we all have physical health.

• Myth: After experiencing a mental health problem, people are weaker.
• Fact: Many people who have gone through this actually feel stronger

• Myth: People with mental illnesses are violent and unpredictable.
• Fact: People with mental illness are more likely to be a victim of violence

• Myth: It’s best to leave people alone if they develop a mental health problem.
• Fact: Most people with mental health problems want to keep in touch with friends, family and colleagues, it can be a great help in their recovery.

• Myth: I don't know anyone with a mental illness
• Fact: Someone you know or love has experienced a mental illness

• Myth: People aren’t discriminated against because of mental health problems
• Fact: Nine out of ten people with mental health problems experience stigma and discrimination.

Time to Change

http://time-to-change.org.uk/home

This website is doing an amazing job to raise the profile of mental health discrimination. There are also other people's stories and forums for you to talk to other like minded individuals. It is particularly inspiring because of the high profile persons involved such as Steven Fry. Take a look!

Dairy 5

Hello all,
I had another counselling session today which focused mainly on confidence. Although I have come to terms with panic, understand it and know how to challenge it, I lacked the confidence to do anything about it.
This is where our old friend avoidance crops up. Its so much easier to avoid 'scary' situations rather than address and confront them. I would constantly refuse to walk the dog, wouldn't travel to university or make excuses because I was frightened of feeling the panic again. Doing this just suffocated me and prevented me from experiencing life. It is a depressing and bleak situation to be in, believe me I know.
But, I am beginning to regain my confidence by talking down the gravity of the situation. I do this by reassuring myself with positive statements and rationality. "I can breathe, I can get to uni, Nothing will happen to me"
I have found doing things independently has also helped me greatly, like when I walked to the hospital by myself and going on jogs. This has shown me I do not have to rely on anybody else. It has also strengthened the reason why I think I am in this situation.
As a child I was very happy but I hardly went to other kids parties, night stay school trips, sleepovers, but did go out with my dad a lot. This helped me to fortify the bond with my parents but not to develop an Independence and over the years prevented me from developing a strong self confidence and belief. I would be the last person to blame my parents because obviously they have protected me, done the best for my life and I love them dearly but I think the refusal to cut the cord right up until university is what caused the stress and ultimately the panic of living in the real world without the emotional and mental tools to do this.
I may be wrong& it could be codswallop as I'm not a psychiatrist but one thing I firmly believe is that stress causes panic attacks. If I feel stressed I let it out instead of 'putting on a brave face'. If I want to cry Ill go and have a cry and I will always talk about how I feel. If you hold your emotions in, it's like a ticking time bomb waiting to explode. It's so important to talk to anybody you can about the way you feel. Don't be worried they'll think your silly or weird, there are thousands of people like you!

Published with Blogger-droid v2.0.4

My personal panic tips!

These are things that have helped me through my panic disorder.

Breathe. I know its simple but the more you hyperventilate, the more physical side effects you are going to experience. You're already going through absolute turmoil in your mind, you don't need added physical pressures. In through your nose and out through your mouth always helps me because I think "I'm breathing, I am not going to pass out. This might be scary, but I am not going to die"

Talk. For years I was embarrassed to admit I was frightened of things that 'nobody else was' This just made it all the more scary when I went into a full blown panic episode because nobody understood why. At first people would brush it off and tell me that they "get worried too", they have "bad days too" but this just made me angry. Talk to someone about it, and if they don't listen, keep talking! You matter and your feelings matter! You might find you don't even need anybodies advice but talking helps you to understand and come to terms with how you're feeling.

No Alcohol. I used to drink to 'escape' the panic feeling. This is the wrong answer. When I drank I still panicked and felt less in control of my feelings and of the fear. Combatting anxiety is hard at the best of times without clouding your mind with alcohol. One or two drinks is fine, but don't binge drink to fight the problem. You can fight it, not the bottle.

Be positive. Things can seem very bleak because of panic attacks. I used to think "I wont get a job because I cant even go to uni, My partner will think I'm boring and weird and leave me, my friends will hate me for never going out with them, Ill end up in a mental hospital" Excuse my french, but this is sh*t.
I'm not mental, I have panic attacks. Even if there are things I cant do at the moment, I Will get there just like someone who has broke a leg will re-learn to walk. Putting a positive spin on your circumstances will improve your mood and even give you the enthusiasm and determination to go and achieve these goals.

Forgive the past. I was and still am, a bit bitter about birthdays I have missed or when I have let people down because I was frightened of going in case I had a panic attack. Forget what you did in the past, this is now and it is never going to happen again so move on. If we dwell on things we will never move forward.

My First day Back At Uni

Helloooo! I have been itching to write this on the way home.
I was a quite anxious last night before I went to sleep and when I got up this morning, but on the way there I was O.K. My dad kept telling me stories about his old dog and we talked about my seminar which kept my mind off the journey and my usual worry that is 'I'm too far from home'.
When I got there I was a little anxious to be 'left' at university by myself but I kept thinking to myself "just be brave for f*cking once" ( excuse the language) I kept doing my breathing exercises - in through my nose and out through my mouth and walked straight to the room. Thankfully I could go straight in.
During the seminar I didn't even think about panicking because I had so many questions and topics to talk about with the lecturer and other pupils, but if I did get anxious I would quietly do my breathing. I came out very happy and proud of myself and so was my dad.
The thing is, people say distracting yourself isn't curing the anxious problem, it's just taking your mind off your panic. No this is wrong. By going to university and not asking to go home or turn the car around I wasn't distracting myself from panic I was getting on with my life and not letting it take over everything. By reading a book, going out, seeing your friends, going for a jog and doing things YOU want to do, this is not distraction from panic, its saying panic isn't my life. I am not even going to acknowledge it as part of my life to have to distract myself from it.
On October 11th 2011 I felt like my life was over and I would never get out of bed. 4 months later I'm back at university, I'm going out with my boyfriend and it may not be much but its a start. I have got my foot on the first rung of that ladder to a panic free life and I will fight until I get to the top of it.
I find that happiness interlinks with anxiety much of the time. It is important to remember happiness is not a destination its a journey. I might not be panic free yet but I am definitely happy.

I didn't just do this for me, although it is my life I am trying to better, I did it for you too because if I can do this, so can you.

This time in your life can be shit, can be horrible, can be the most challenging thing you'll ever go through but when you do get through it, which you will, it will be character building, it will make you stronger and it will make you who you are.

I have no idea why God or fate decides to throw these things at us in life, but maybe it is to prove to ourselves that we are strong and we can do the things we thought we couldn't.

Thankyou Note

Came on here whilst writing notes for my seminar and I am so pleased with the amount of people looking on my blog. I really hope I am helping you in some way and this is beneficial to you and I am grateful you have taken time to read my posts!
Getting quite anxious about tomorrow but I am thinking positively about what I can do when I get home and about the weekend. Its an hour out of my day after all and that's nothing!
I will be blogging on the way there to give you an insight into how my journeys going and what I'm doing to prevent a panic attack. Hopefully through sharing experiences, anxiety and panic attacks will become less taboo and more people will talk about how they're feeling!
I am currently thinking of whether to reveal my identity and post pictures of my journey and life so that it is more personal to other sufferers and may start this next week. Let me know if you think this is a good idea!
In quite a sad mood today as my partner's not here, but I keep telling myself this is a normal emotion to feel when he is 200 miles away :)
Anyway back to my work, my kittens keep standing on the laptop!

Lasting thought - Do more than you think you can each day
xx

Helpful Youtube Videos

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VdtVC_wB0Jo
Quite motivational and short if you need a quick boost ^


http://www.panic-away.com/index.php
Promotional video for the 'panic away' method. I have watched this very pessimistically because I have seen many fraudulent vidoes promising to cure panic attacks which prey on the vulnerability and desperation of sufferers. Because of this, I may buy the set of disks and then let you know whether this approach is effective or not.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OVhe5E14YUA
Genuine account of a man who began having a panic attacks from taking drugs but has recovered :)


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QuR_VAww3Jg
One man's personal journey through anxiety, panic attacks, and depression

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zh-klfBJlHc
Relaxing meditation video. I used this video when I had my first big attack that I have written about in a previous post. It helped me to stay calm(ish) when my mum&dad returned from Turkey.  


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_vaDln5cEiY
Meditation for anxiety, anger, depression.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qs_DuZigRzY&feature=related
'chakra' meditation for your mood. Very positive comments although I do not like her voice very muchx


Whilst searching I also found a video of a man having a panic attack on an aeroplane. I did not want to post this as it was quite distressing and didnt want to make anybody panic but it did show me what the behaviour of an anxious person appears like to others& comforted me as the other passengers were genuinely concerned for his safety and welbeing and were not unpleasant towards him.

A little bit about medication& my experience with it

It Almost slipped my mind to tell you that I have tried medication to combat my panic disorder. I have tried fluxotine, citalopram and propanolol.

General information for these medications can be found here:
Citalopram
Fluoxetine
Propranolol

In my personal opinion, I didn't want to carry on with medication because;
1) I felt it did not work to help reduce my anxiety and with citalopram, actually made it worse and
2) I do not believe treating the symptoms (i.e using propanolol to reduce the heart rate increase associated with panic) and not treating the cause of the panic is an effective way of 'curing' yourself of anxiety. 
This may not be true of you and I would never advise anybody to avoid medication because it may work to reduce the unpleasant symptoms of anxiety and this may give you the confidence to 'take back' your life.
The side effects were also quite upsetting. I never had a problem sleeping with anxiety but with fluxotine especially, painfull heartburn would wake me up every night at about 3am causing me to lose sleep and make me very depressed. I lost 13lb during this time and decided that the side effects outweighed the benefits fluxotine may have given me.
I found propanolol particularly frightening for the soul basis it says on the box, not recommended for anxiety. This made me question whether my GP actually knew anything about panic disorder at all (typing angrily) When I took the tablets they did slow my heart rate but this just made me feel like I was trapped in a lifeless shell. Inside I was screaming and on the outside I couldn't even work up an increase in my heart rate. Here again, medication is just masking the symptoms. It is preposterous to think that this medication can be used on a long term basis as a treatment for panic disorder. I would rather deal with my issues than pretend they are not there with drugs. Instead of coping and existing, I would rather live.  

Diary 4

Hello! Today I went for a meal with my boyfriend which I'm very proud of since I haven't been out for one in about 6 months! We got a taxi to the pub, had a lovely dinner and we walked home. Although I was slightly panicked, having fun and being out somewhere that I wouldn't usually go took my mind off my anxiety. This has shown me I can go out and do sociable things and made me feel less insecure about my partner thinking I'm boring or annoying lol!
Tomorrow I go back to uni which I am a bit anxious about because of the journey, but my dad is taking me so we will do breathing exercises on the way and hopefully the topic of my seminar will keep me focused and distracted. I'll let you know how it goes tomorrow! I hope this doesn't make me feel panicked today because my boyfriend has returned to work ( he works away) so I'm feeling a bit sad about that and would prefer to be chilled out.
In the meantime I am going to go for a run around the park and then do some meditation that I have found on youtube. I will post useful videos I find in the next entry and let you know whether they worked or not.

Have a lovely, lovely day!
xx

Diary 3 06/02/2012

Hello again! Sorry I have not written in awhile but have been busy ( doing lots of things you'll be pleased to hear) so I have lots to tell you!
On Friday I had my second counselling session. It went very well and I always feel a sense of relaxation and calmness when it has finished. We have been talking about setting goals to make me more confident in a variety of situations starting from things I feel least panicked about to those that make me have multiple panic attacks. My most feared situation is being alone in the country again when my parents are away so I am trying to become more independent with food shops, walking to my friends or going for jogs alone and so on until I am completely self reliant if needs be and therefore I will not have to worry I cannot cope.
At first I was quite anxious and emotional about this because I felt like I was trying to climb a mountain but the fact is, I can climb that mountain, it is not impossible and I WILL do it because I refuse to let this ruin my life.
I have visited my friend's alone and while there I thought wow what if I panic, but for once I broke the cycle and thought no I can control this and distracted myself until I forgot all about it. I no longer panic when doing my weekly food shop and think if i do panic nobody will think I'm 'weird' or 'strange' because they will be more concerned with me being O.K. and the task of shopping takes me mind off my anxiety. A big achievement I am very proud of is walking to the hospital at night time to visit my boyfriend who had been in a car accident. As I'm writing this I'm thinking to myself  "wow that's frightening" but at the time I was so determined and preoccupied with the stress of something else, I did it by myself. I think the process of 'getting better' is just retraining your brain to understand you can do things and you will be fine. I have likened panic to a drug addiction - ridiculously hard to get over and is a habit that is difficult to break but you CAN stop that addiction just like cigarettes, alcohol or drugs.
We seem to live in an age where admitting that something has affected us is embarrassing and inappropriate and this is true of mental illness is general, something I have touched on in previous posts, however I have found that reassuring myself that I can tell my boyfriend, parent or friend when I'm panicky helps to relieve my panic because I know there is someone to support me and this takes off the added pressure of feeling like people will think I'm weird or strange when I start doing my breathing exercises, because it isn't strange. You wouldn't stare at an asthma sufferer for taking his inhaler.
Thinking positive and understanding stress is also helping me a lot. When I start to feel unhappy or panicky about life in general, I look on the brighter side of things. I have coped so far in much more challenging circumstances so why shouldn't I be able to now. I also think to myself "I am feeling this way because I am upset about stresses of university/paying the bills etc" so I am not worried about what I'm feeling and what it means because I know what my worries are and that my body is responding to the stress this is causing me. I can then deal with the issue and find a way of resolving it by either rationalising my worry - I have an exam. It is normal to feel anxious and anybody would, and thinking more positively - The journey to and from university will be fine but if I do start to get anxious I can play my music or relaxation tapes through my headphones. The journey will not last forever.
I also think that writing my emotions down here and talking about them to my counsellor is really helping to get them off my chest and stop them from lowering my mood. I can free my mind to concentrate on other things such as university work, planing social events with my friends and seeing my boyfriend instead of anxiety dominating my life.
Although things are going well I do realise I will have my bad days but I am now confident that other people feel exactly the same. I can write these anxieties down, talk to my counsellor or boyfriend about them and I will come out of it a stronger and more determined person.

My thought of the day is "If you don't give up you can never fail"

Keep going x