Hello again! Sorry I have not written in awhile but have been busy ( doing lots of things you'll be pleased to hear) so I have lots to tell you!
On Friday I had my second counselling session. It went very well and I always feel a sense of relaxation and calmness when it has finished. We have been talking about setting goals to make me more confident in a variety of situations starting from things I feel least panicked about to those that make me have multiple panic attacks. My most feared situation is being alone in the country again when my parents are away so I am trying to become more independent with food shops, walking to my friends or going for jogs alone and so on until I am completely self reliant if needs be and therefore I will not have to worry I cannot cope.
At first I was quite anxious and emotional about this because I felt like I was trying to climb a mountain but the fact is, I can climb that mountain, it is not impossible and I WILL do it because I refuse to let this ruin my life.
I have visited my friend's alone and while there I thought wow what if I panic, but for once I broke the cycle and thought no I can control this and distracted myself until I forgot all about it. I no longer panic when doing my weekly food shop and think if i do panic nobody will think I'm 'weird' or 'strange' because they will be more concerned with me being O.K. and the task of shopping takes me mind off my anxiety. A big achievement I am very proud of is walking to the hospital at night time to visit my boyfriend who had been in a car accident. As I'm writing this I'm thinking to myself "wow that's frightening" but at the time I was so determined and preoccupied with the stress of something else, I did it by myself. I think the process of 'getting better' is just retraining your brain to understand you can do things and you will be fine. I have likened panic to a drug addiction - ridiculously hard to get over and is a habit that is difficult to break but you CAN stop that addiction just like cigarettes, alcohol or drugs.
We seem to live in an age where admitting that something has affected us is embarrassing and inappropriate and this is true of mental illness is general, something I have touched on in previous posts, however I have found that reassuring myself that I can tell my boyfriend, parent or friend when I'm panicky helps to relieve my panic because I know there is someone to support me and this takes off the added pressure of feeling like people will think I'm weird or strange when I start doing my breathing exercises, because it isn't strange. You wouldn't stare at an asthma sufferer for taking his inhaler.
Thinking positive and understanding stress is also helping me a lot. When I start to feel unhappy or panicky about life in general, I look on the brighter side of things. I have coped so far in much more challenging circumstances so why shouldn't I be able to now. I also think to myself "I am feeling this way because I am upset about stresses of university/paying the bills etc" so I am not worried about what I'm feeling and what it means because I know what my worries are and that my body is responding to the stress this is causing me. I can then deal with the issue and find a way of resolving it by either rationalising my worry - I have an exam. It is normal to feel anxious and anybody would, and thinking more positively - The journey to and from university will be fine but if I do start to get anxious I can play my music or relaxation tapes through my headphones. The journey will not last forever.
I also think that writing my emotions down here and talking about them to my counsellor is really helping to get them off my chest and stop them from lowering my mood. I can free my mind to concentrate on other things such as university work, planing social events with my friends and seeing my boyfriend instead of anxiety dominating my life.
Although things are going well I do realise I will have my bad days but I am now confident that other people feel exactly the same. I can write these anxieties down, talk to my counsellor or boyfriend about them and I will come out of it a stronger and more determined person.
My thought of the day is "If you don't give up you can never fail"
Keep going x
On Friday I had my second counselling session. It went very well and I always feel a sense of relaxation and calmness when it has finished. We have been talking about setting goals to make me more confident in a variety of situations starting from things I feel least panicked about to those that make me have multiple panic attacks. My most feared situation is being alone in the country again when my parents are away so I am trying to become more independent with food shops, walking to my friends or going for jogs alone and so on until I am completely self reliant if needs be and therefore I will not have to worry I cannot cope.
At first I was quite anxious and emotional about this because I felt like I was trying to climb a mountain but the fact is, I can climb that mountain, it is not impossible and I WILL do it because I refuse to let this ruin my life.
I have visited my friend's alone and while there I thought wow what if I panic, but for once I broke the cycle and thought no I can control this and distracted myself until I forgot all about it. I no longer panic when doing my weekly food shop and think if i do panic nobody will think I'm 'weird' or 'strange' because they will be more concerned with me being O.K. and the task of shopping takes me mind off my anxiety. A big achievement I am very proud of is walking to the hospital at night time to visit my boyfriend who had been in a car accident. As I'm writing this I'm thinking to myself "wow that's frightening" but at the time I was so determined and preoccupied with the stress of something else, I did it by myself. I think the process of 'getting better' is just retraining your brain to understand you can do things and you will be fine. I have likened panic to a drug addiction - ridiculously hard to get over and is a habit that is difficult to break but you CAN stop that addiction just like cigarettes, alcohol or drugs.
We seem to live in an age where admitting that something has affected us is embarrassing and inappropriate and this is true of mental illness is general, something I have touched on in previous posts, however I have found that reassuring myself that I can tell my boyfriend, parent or friend when I'm panicky helps to relieve my panic because I know there is someone to support me and this takes off the added pressure of feeling like people will think I'm weird or strange when I start doing my breathing exercises, because it isn't strange. You wouldn't stare at an asthma sufferer for taking his inhaler.
Thinking positive and understanding stress is also helping me a lot. When I start to feel unhappy or panicky about life in general, I look on the brighter side of things. I have coped so far in much more challenging circumstances so why shouldn't I be able to now. I also think to myself "I am feeling this way because I am upset about stresses of university/paying the bills etc" so I am not worried about what I'm feeling and what it means because I know what my worries are and that my body is responding to the stress this is causing me. I can then deal with the issue and find a way of resolving it by either rationalising my worry - I have an exam. It is normal to feel anxious and anybody would, and thinking more positively - The journey to and from university will be fine but if I do start to get anxious I can play my music or relaxation tapes through my headphones. The journey will not last forever.
I also think that writing my emotions down here and talking about them to my counsellor is really helping to get them off my chest and stop them from lowering my mood. I can free my mind to concentrate on other things such as university work, planing social events with my friends and seeing my boyfriend instead of anxiety dominating my life.
Although things are going well I do realise I will have my bad days but I am now confident that other people feel exactly the same. I can write these anxieties down, talk to my counsellor or boyfriend about them and I will come out of it a stronger and more determined person.
My thought of the day is "If you don't give up you can never fail"
Keep going x
