Hello again. I realise it has been many months since I last wrote and for that reason I owe you an explanation. 1 of the reasons is that I moved house and had no internet connection however, this had its benefits as I could observe my experiences with less bias as I had nobody to report back to ect.
I will let you know what Ive done since I last spoke. I have sat some of my university exams and when I begin again in September I will be in my last year (yay) I've been on numerous nights out, some in other cities! Ive even been 250 miles away from home.
And now youre thinking what is your secret and how the heck have you done this?
Basically I have come to the conclusion that you must make peace again with your mind. When you are anxious and it effects your life greatly, your mind is very muddled with racing thoughts and worrying that you will think things that in turn makes you think them things! Through spending time thinking to myself and rationalising I have been able to 'make friends' with myself again.
A great great GREAT book i can recommend is 'metacognitive therapy for anxiety and depression' by Adrian Wells that I bought on Amazon. The beginning is very technicial and I did become slightly frustrated that it didnt give me a miracle cure on page 1 but when you realise this is something you have to understand in order to get past it, then you get to the really good stuff. I'm about half way through now but the biggest thing that the book has taught me so far is that these thoughts eg 'i need to go home' 'i'm not safe' 'i'm going to panic' are just thoughts and they are not actually you and if you think about it this way you can get on with your daily life observing them but not paying attention, if you get where I'm coming from.
I too found this hard to grasp but if I explain it in this way it may become clearer. Say you have a hangover or a tummy bug, you feel unpleasant. BUT if you start to think about sickly things such as another alcoholic drink or food you will feel even worse and probably be sick as will anxious thoughts put us into a full blown panic if we are already anxious.
What do we learn about being ill? Well for one it will pass (in most cases where someone is not seriously ill, which we are assuming non of we are) How many people are 'sick' or 'hungover' for a year? Nobody. Being sick does not put you off ever eating again or ever drinking. Most of us would drink another alcoholic drink without a second thought even though it had previously made us poorly.
I find this idea very comforting. Yes you might be anxious but so what? It will go away and cant last and It shouldn't put you off doing certain things.
Using this idea, I dont ignore anxious thoughts I just think to myself they are things that occur in my mind and I don't pay attention to them.
I know this is very hard to understand and it does take practise. Sometimes I can be out and about and have to say to myself 'that was just a thought' but this is ok. My CBT therapist actually advised me against this because apparently 'self talk' keeps the thoughts going. I think this is ridiculous. Anxiety (i think) is a learnt behaviour and reflex so by doing this we are retraining the mind to observe but not act on such things.
Now I find I do not pay attention to things as much. When I was very anxious Id think all sorts of things like 'Ive just taken another step that means Im further away from home, this is very bad and Im not safe' Id pay attention to my surroundings so much I couldn't function. Id lie in bed and think my breathing was going to fast or my heartbeat was. Now Ill find myself thinking about future plans or what I'm having for tea.
Ill admit I have still things I want to do that I haven't done yet but I now believe in myself and think I can do this whereas before I wouldn't even consider it!
I walk the dog everyday, I go on nights out and for meals and I can do simple things like go food shopping without listening to anxious thoughts telling me to leave. We all have good days and bad days and this is OK.
Another thing Ive learnt is dont be so hard on yourself.
One week I found myself being so demanding on myself I couldn't do anything without panicking at all! Just because you cant do everything you want in one week, it doesn't mean you wont be able to do some of the things the next!
Talk to people. Since this whole experience, I've spoken to so many people about how I feel which lessens my embarrassment and makes me feel more comfortable and in turn less anxious! Panic attacks are so common you wouldn't believe. I guarantee you will know people who have had or having them and just don't say anything!
The last thing I'll say is you will get better and this is something Ill promise you, because you will.
I do loads of things I didn't think I could do and so can you!!
"you were given this life because you were strong enough to live it"
"smile through the storm, it will be sunny again soon"
I will let you know what Ive done since I last spoke. I have sat some of my university exams and when I begin again in September I will be in my last year (yay) I've been on numerous nights out, some in other cities! Ive even been 250 miles away from home.
And now youre thinking what is your secret and how the heck have you done this?
Basically I have come to the conclusion that you must make peace again with your mind. When you are anxious and it effects your life greatly, your mind is very muddled with racing thoughts and worrying that you will think things that in turn makes you think them things! Through spending time thinking to myself and rationalising I have been able to 'make friends' with myself again.
A great great GREAT book i can recommend is 'metacognitive therapy for anxiety and depression' by Adrian Wells that I bought on Amazon. The beginning is very technicial and I did become slightly frustrated that it didnt give me a miracle cure on page 1 but when you realise this is something you have to understand in order to get past it, then you get to the really good stuff. I'm about half way through now but the biggest thing that the book has taught me so far is that these thoughts eg 'i need to go home' 'i'm not safe' 'i'm going to panic' are just thoughts and they are not actually you and if you think about it this way you can get on with your daily life observing them but not paying attention, if you get where I'm coming from.
I too found this hard to grasp but if I explain it in this way it may become clearer. Say you have a hangover or a tummy bug, you feel unpleasant. BUT if you start to think about sickly things such as another alcoholic drink or food you will feel even worse and probably be sick as will anxious thoughts put us into a full blown panic if we are already anxious.
What do we learn about being ill? Well for one it will pass (in most cases where someone is not seriously ill, which we are assuming non of we are) How many people are 'sick' or 'hungover' for a year? Nobody. Being sick does not put you off ever eating again or ever drinking. Most of us would drink another alcoholic drink without a second thought even though it had previously made us poorly.
I find this idea very comforting. Yes you might be anxious but so what? It will go away and cant last and It shouldn't put you off doing certain things.
Using this idea, I dont ignore anxious thoughts I just think to myself they are things that occur in my mind and I don't pay attention to them.
I know this is very hard to understand and it does take practise. Sometimes I can be out and about and have to say to myself 'that was just a thought' but this is ok. My CBT therapist actually advised me against this because apparently 'self talk' keeps the thoughts going. I think this is ridiculous. Anxiety (i think) is a learnt behaviour and reflex so by doing this we are retraining the mind to observe but not act on such things.
Now I find I do not pay attention to things as much. When I was very anxious Id think all sorts of things like 'Ive just taken another step that means Im further away from home, this is very bad and Im not safe' Id pay attention to my surroundings so much I couldn't function. Id lie in bed and think my breathing was going to fast or my heartbeat was. Now Ill find myself thinking about future plans or what I'm having for tea.
Ill admit I have still things I want to do that I haven't done yet but I now believe in myself and think I can do this whereas before I wouldn't even consider it!
I walk the dog everyday, I go on nights out and for meals and I can do simple things like go food shopping without listening to anxious thoughts telling me to leave. We all have good days and bad days and this is OK.
Another thing Ive learnt is dont be so hard on yourself.
One week I found myself being so demanding on myself I couldn't do anything without panicking at all! Just because you cant do everything you want in one week, it doesn't mean you wont be able to do some of the things the next!
Talk to people. Since this whole experience, I've spoken to so many people about how I feel which lessens my embarrassment and makes me feel more comfortable and in turn less anxious! Panic attacks are so common you wouldn't believe. I guarantee you will know people who have had or having them and just don't say anything!
The last thing I'll say is you will get better and this is something Ill promise you, because you will.
I do loads of things I didn't think I could do and so can you!!
"you were given this life because you were strong enough to live it"
"smile through the storm, it will be sunny again soon"
