Thursday

Hello, I did my challenge for the day and went shopping in the town centre. I decided not to go to the other city with my mum in the end.
 Got a lovely dress for the 21st Im attending on Saturday and even went for lunch after with my mum. I didn't think about panicking once and just got on with chatting to my mum about my partner and my plans for the weekend. It was a really care free day :)
Ive had a 'coca-cola' tonight and its made me a bit jittery because of the caffeine but this hasn't worried me at all. I definitely wont be having another this late at night again though, I dont think Ill sleep haha!
I hope you've all been doing well this week, even If you've just attempted one thing. The most important thing to remember is that you might find doing something stressful in the beginning, I did when I first started going to uni again, but this will pass as you get used to doing it. The anxiety about the activity will decrease as you realise there is nothing to fear and nothing bad will happen because you've done it loads of times and nothing bad has happened before.
Im going swimming tomorrow and haven't done this for awhile but I know Ill be fine! Thinking positive thoughts :) I don't have person centred therapy until next Friday as Im doing it every 2 weeks now that Im feeling more confident.
Hope you all have a productive Friday!
xx

Hello all!

Hello I know its been a few days since I last wrote a post but Ive been very busy and had some crazy things happening in my personal life with my partner!
On Monday, I went to university and went to my friends house afterwards instead of doing this on Tuesday. This was one of my 'challenges'.
The next day I FINALLY got an appointment for coginitive behavioural therapy with the NHS that very day as there had been a cancellation with another patient. I was very dubious at this because my person centered therapy is working very well and I am working on the presumption that 'if something isnt broken, dont fix it'. However, I went along to see if the therapy could make any head way with my anxiety about travelling and about things I havnet yet accomplished eg going on holiday abroad. The session was very brief as it focused on introducing me to CBT and what it was about. I will let you know how I get on with it. My next appointment is 9.30am next Tuesday.
Anyway, my day became even more 'out of the blue' when I was informed my partner had been involved in an accident. This is all the information I can disclose unfortunately without making my blog biased and diverting from its true purpose. This made me slightly emotional last night but today I went to university again and did my food shopping.
Suprisingly I was very calm and relaxed going into my seminar. I was a little early but kept telling myself I would enjoy the hour as I like my lecturer and that it would only take an hour. Maybe this is because I had other things to focus on, but Id like to think it is because my anxiety is decreasing even more. My fleeting thoughts about 'being too far away from home' or 'not being able to breathe' are becoming less frequent the more I reassure myself with positive statements. This is a very comforting feeling and one I have waited for desperately! I also went food shopping and panicking did not cross my mind at all.
However, tomorrow my mother is taking our dog to the vets in another city, about an hour away. Im not sure if Im ready to challenge this length of journey yet, especially as my partner is having hospital treatment and Im quite stressed. I keep thinking this is a rubbish excuse and I should push myself though it. I will have a think about this tonight but I doubt I will go. This week has been quite stressfull so far, regarding my partner and I dont want to over do it.
I am feeling very content with my life and can't wait for my partner to be home. I have definitely come on 'leaps and bounds' since October 2011 and Im really proud of myself.
For about 10 minutes or so before writing this, I remebered having my panic attack and ringing my friend saying worrying things such as 'im going crazy, im going to hurt myself' because I just wanted the racing thoughts in my mind to dissapear and I couldnt stop panicking or calm myself down. Its really upsetting to think I said that about myself but also showed how far Ive really come. That night I wanted to be unconscious or asleep and now Im sat here talking about it and realising it will never happen again. I know I cannot erase the past, but I wont let it be my future. I think this is a very positive thought to leave my post on and I will write again tomorrow to let you know what I have decided to do!
I hope some of you are getting some useful information from my posts! You're not insane, you will get better and you are normal!
Goodnight and keep strong!
xx

My make a list challenge

So for this week I decided it would be a good idea to do something 'out of the ordinary' each day. My list is:
Monday - go for a 30 min jog after uni
Tuesday - go to friends house
Wednesday - walk to the local shop
Thursday - go shopping in town centre
Friday - counselling
Saturday - attend friend's 21st Bday
These are achievable goals and will give me more confidence about future tasks when I have completed them. If I can do it, so can you! I hope youre attempting even one thing this week :)
It might be daunting but you will feel all the better for it when youve done it!
Xx

Therapy

Hello had my therapy again today! Finding them to be increasingly retrospective as I havent had a panic attack in awhile!
Im very positive and optimistic. I have looked on my first panic episode as an opportunity rather than a hinderance. It has forced me to address the fact I was anxious instead of brushing it under the carpet and allowing it to continue which I did in the past. I have had to face my fears and conquer them. This in turn has made me more optimistic because I can and have done the things I previously thought I couldnt and more. As I have said before I strongly believe in fate and that this has given me the platform to better my life x

Brilliant blog!

Found this blog whilst researching and the gentleman's tips are fantastic! Give them a go! I am definitely going to put his 'time and a place for worrying' suggestion into practice. Great metaphorical use by likening anxiety to a faulty alarm.

http://getoveranxiety.blogspot.com

MAKE A LIST CHALLENGE

Hello again. I know how hard it is to motivate yourself to do things whether social, domestic or work related so I thought you may like to participate in a challenge.
Make a list of things you would like to do, achievable or not which will begin on Monday. Lets say around 5 such as walking the dog for an extra 10 minutes than usual, food shopping alone, going out for a sociable meal with friends etc. I will also do this and post my list. Each day do 1 of these things. Hopefully this excercise will make you realise you can do things you previously thought you couldnt and encourage you because you know other people are also doing this! At the end of the week whether you have done 3 of these things or 5 you can be proud you did something you thought you couldnt! Even one thing is a step in the right direction! Get thinking x

Another day at uni!

Hello people!
This weekend I was very proud of myself because I went on a night out in the local town. I was abit worried about the journey there but I kept talking to my friends and thinking if I want to go home Ill just get a taxi. My night was really good and I even got a taxi home by myself! Today I went to uni and for the first time in about 5 months I didnt panic on the way there. I read my notes and made annotations. I must admit this made me feel a little travel sick but I kept thinking of positive things like going shopping afterwards with my dad and how excited Ill be to see my partner when he comes home. This kept me in good spirits and in my seminar, if i got panicky Id tell myself "its just one hour, dont think about your breathing just listen to your lecturer" I also thought to myself "you have no stress in your life" because do I really? No. I have a supportive dad who drives me to&from uni, a mother eager to give me hugs, my lovely cats who keep me company and my partner to look to the future with. This really put a positive spin on my day and I hope to keep thinking like this. As usual I will tell you that happiness really does play a role in my panic attacks and I think its essential to getting back to normal. I hope some of my posts are helping you. Like ive said before, in October 2011 I thought id rather be dead. Now in February Im conquering it. Love and support to you all. You CAN beat this x