Thursday

Hello all, I havent blogged in a while but I have lots to tell you!
On Monday I went to uni with my mum. I was a bit frightened because I hadn't travelled far with my mum since October. The journey was fine though! I kept talking to her about my plans for the week and general things and when we got there I walked a longer than usual distance to my seminar and didn't panic at all! I came out feeling very pleased with myself! That night I rang my partner and he was happier that I wasnt as upset as I was on Sunday.
On Tuesday I went to my NHS cognitive behavioural session. We talked about my fears and what situations I would find most challenging. To be honest I expected to feel a lot more reassured by him but he is a post graduate trainee and obviously is doing his best. We decided that the next step in 'getting better' was for me to get ona  bus this week. I havent done this yet but will probably try tomorrow. Im slightly dubious but I suppose I had to leave my comfort zone one day!
I also went shopping that night and felt fine!
Yesterday I went to university again and found the experience quite relaxing. The room was quite high up but I kept thinking about how many people had anxiety and that I would be fine and this comforted me. It was my mums birthday so we went to a lovely restaurant in the town centre afterwards. I didnt really panic in the taxi because I was excited about the meal and I really appreciate spending time with my mum and dad now that I dont live with them. I forgot all about being anxious once we got there and after a few hours we left to go to a pub. Im proud that I achieved a lot yesterday and had a really lovely time! It didn't ruin my day or night.
Tomorrow I have person centred therapy again. Although its nothing like CBT I find it very therapeutic and calming to speak to someone who isnt in my life.
Im feeling very positive and Ill let you know how my bus journey goes! The best piece of advise I can give you is to rationalise. If I panic I 'talk myself out of it' so for example I think things like "Im fine, I won't pass out, nobody is looking at me, Im happy, I want to do this, just be brave" This really works for me and takes out the adrenaline feeling I get in my stomach.
I know it can be very unpleasant, believe me the thought of returning to the state I was in in October terrifies me but I know this wont happen again. Im in control and if anything, October gave me a lot of experience in tackling and managing panic. In my experience what you think may happen and what actually happens are very different things. I thought that when I started uni again Id have a panic attack every time I went and Id have to quit. Since starting Ive missed one seminar and havent had one panic attack during the journey or being there. This just goes to show that the negative panicky thoughts arn't realistic and there is NO POINT in avoiding situations because you have nothing to fear.
  Don't think of things as happening to you but happening for you.
 Perspective really helps me to cope from day to day :)
xxx