Thankyou Note

Came on here whilst writing notes for my seminar and I am so pleased with the amount of people looking on my blog. I really hope I am helping you in some way and this is beneficial to you and I am grateful you have taken time to read my posts!
Getting quite anxious about tomorrow but I am thinking positively about what I can do when I get home and about the weekend. Its an hour out of my day after all and that's nothing!
I will be blogging on the way there to give you an insight into how my journeys going and what I'm doing to prevent a panic attack. Hopefully through sharing experiences, anxiety and panic attacks will become less taboo and more people will talk about how they're feeling!
I am currently thinking of whether to reveal my identity and post pictures of my journey and life so that it is more personal to other sufferers and may start this next week. Let me know if you think this is a good idea!
In quite a sad mood today as my partner's not here, but I keep telling myself this is a normal emotion to feel when he is 200 miles away :)
Anyway back to my work, my kittens keep standing on the laptop!

Lasting thought - Do more than you think you can each day
xx

Helpful Youtube Videos

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VdtVC_wB0Jo
Quite motivational and short if you need a quick boost ^


http://www.panic-away.com/index.php
Promotional video for the 'panic away' method. I have watched this very pessimistically because I have seen many fraudulent vidoes promising to cure panic attacks which prey on the vulnerability and desperation of sufferers. Because of this, I may buy the set of disks and then let you know whether this approach is effective or not.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OVhe5E14YUA
Genuine account of a man who began having a panic attacks from taking drugs but has recovered :)


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QuR_VAww3Jg
One man's personal journey through anxiety, panic attacks, and depression

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zh-klfBJlHc
Relaxing meditation video. I used this video when I had my first big attack that I have written about in a previous post. It helped me to stay calm(ish) when my mum&dad returned from Turkey.  


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_vaDln5cEiY
Meditation for anxiety, anger, depression.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qs_DuZigRzY&feature=related
'chakra' meditation for your mood. Very positive comments although I do not like her voice very muchx


Whilst searching I also found a video of a man having a panic attack on an aeroplane. I did not want to post this as it was quite distressing and didnt want to make anybody panic but it did show me what the behaviour of an anxious person appears like to others& comforted me as the other passengers were genuinely concerned for his safety and welbeing and were not unpleasant towards him.

A little bit about medication& my experience with it

It Almost slipped my mind to tell you that I have tried medication to combat my panic disorder. I have tried fluxotine, citalopram and propanolol.

General information for these medications can be found here:
Citalopram
Fluoxetine
Propranolol

In my personal opinion, I didn't want to carry on with medication because;
1) I felt it did not work to help reduce my anxiety and with citalopram, actually made it worse and
2) I do not believe treating the symptoms (i.e using propanolol to reduce the heart rate increase associated with panic) and not treating the cause of the panic is an effective way of 'curing' yourself of anxiety. 
This may not be true of you and I would never advise anybody to avoid medication because it may work to reduce the unpleasant symptoms of anxiety and this may give you the confidence to 'take back' your life.
The side effects were also quite upsetting. I never had a problem sleeping with anxiety but with fluxotine especially, painfull heartburn would wake me up every night at about 3am causing me to lose sleep and make me very depressed. I lost 13lb during this time and decided that the side effects outweighed the benefits fluxotine may have given me.
I found propanolol particularly frightening for the soul basis it says on the box, not recommended for anxiety. This made me question whether my GP actually knew anything about panic disorder at all (typing angrily) When I took the tablets they did slow my heart rate but this just made me feel like I was trapped in a lifeless shell. Inside I was screaming and on the outside I couldn't even work up an increase in my heart rate. Here again, medication is just masking the symptoms. It is preposterous to think that this medication can be used on a long term basis as a treatment for panic disorder. I would rather deal with my issues than pretend they are not there with drugs. Instead of coping and existing, I would rather live.  

Diary 4

Hello! Today I went for a meal with my boyfriend which I'm very proud of since I haven't been out for one in about 6 months! We got a taxi to the pub, had a lovely dinner and we walked home. Although I was slightly panicked, having fun and being out somewhere that I wouldn't usually go took my mind off my anxiety. This has shown me I can go out and do sociable things and made me feel less insecure about my partner thinking I'm boring or annoying lol!
Tomorrow I go back to uni which I am a bit anxious about because of the journey, but my dad is taking me so we will do breathing exercises on the way and hopefully the topic of my seminar will keep me focused and distracted. I'll let you know how it goes tomorrow! I hope this doesn't make me feel panicked today because my boyfriend has returned to work ( he works away) so I'm feeling a bit sad about that and would prefer to be chilled out.
In the meantime I am going to go for a run around the park and then do some meditation that I have found on youtube. I will post useful videos I find in the next entry and let you know whether they worked or not.

Have a lovely, lovely day!
xx

Diary 3 06/02/2012

Hello again! Sorry I have not written in awhile but have been busy ( doing lots of things you'll be pleased to hear) so I have lots to tell you!
On Friday I had my second counselling session. It went very well and I always feel a sense of relaxation and calmness when it has finished. We have been talking about setting goals to make me more confident in a variety of situations starting from things I feel least panicked about to those that make me have multiple panic attacks. My most feared situation is being alone in the country again when my parents are away so I am trying to become more independent with food shops, walking to my friends or going for jogs alone and so on until I am completely self reliant if needs be and therefore I will not have to worry I cannot cope.
At first I was quite anxious and emotional about this because I felt like I was trying to climb a mountain but the fact is, I can climb that mountain, it is not impossible and I WILL do it because I refuse to let this ruin my life.
I have visited my friend's alone and while there I thought wow what if I panic, but for once I broke the cycle and thought no I can control this and distracted myself until I forgot all about it. I no longer panic when doing my weekly food shop and think if i do panic nobody will think I'm 'weird' or 'strange' because they will be more concerned with me being O.K. and the task of shopping takes me mind off my anxiety. A big achievement I am very proud of is walking to the hospital at night time to visit my boyfriend who had been in a car accident. As I'm writing this I'm thinking to myself  "wow that's frightening" but at the time I was so determined and preoccupied with the stress of something else, I did it by myself. I think the process of 'getting better' is just retraining your brain to understand you can do things and you will be fine. I have likened panic to a drug addiction - ridiculously hard to get over and is a habit that is difficult to break but you CAN stop that addiction just like cigarettes, alcohol or drugs.
We seem to live in an age where admitting that something has affected us is embarrassing and inappropriate and this is true of mental illness is general, something I have touched on in previous posts, however I have found that reassuring myself that I can tell my boyfriend, parent or friend when I'm panicky helps to relieve my panic because I know there is someone to support me and this takes off the added pressure of feeling like people will think I'm weird or strange when I start doing my breathing exercises, because it isn't strange. You wouldn't stare at an asthma sufferer for taking his inhaler.
Thinking positive and understanding stress is also helping me a lot. When I start to feel unhappy or panicky about life in general, I look on the brighter side of things. I have coped so far in much more challenging circumstances so why shouldn't I be able to now. I also think to myself "I am feeling this way because I am upset about stresses of university/paying the bills etc" so I am not worried about what I'm feeling and what it means because I know what my worries are and that my body is responding to the stress this is causing me. I can then deal with the issue and find a way of resolving it by either rationalising my worry - I have an exam. It is normal to feel anxious and anybody would, and thinking more positively - The journey to and from university will be fine but if I do start to get anxious I can play my music or relaxation tapes through my headphones. The journey will not last forever.
I also think that writing my emotions down here and talking about them to my counsellor is really helping to get them off my chest and stop them from lowering my mood. I can free my mind to concentrate on other things such as university work, planing social events with my friends and seeing my boyfriend instead of anxiety dominating my life.
Although things are going well I do realise I will have my bad days but I am now confident that other people feel exactly the same. I can write these anxieties down, talk to my counsellor or boyfriend about them and I will come out of it a stronger and more determined person.

My thought of the day is "If you don't give up you can never fail"

Keep going x

How to cope with panic attacks/panic disorder

1. Take your anxiety with you..........feel those sensations, knowing they are NOT a disease that will harm you/kill you. Learn to rebreathe into a paper bag, because most of the dizzy/light headed sensations are because of oxygen/carbon dioxide imbalance....rebreathing into a paper bag helps this or breathing slowly in through your nose and out through your mouth.

2. Eat small regular meals, every 2/3 hrs. When we dont eat for a while, sugar levels are effected, and eventually adrenaline is released...causing more panic.

3. Get into a bedtime routine of...no caffine after 6pm, a warm bath, good book, bedroom nice temperature, and use music on low to help you drift off.

4. Try aromatherapy oils such as Lavender, or Neroli. A few drops in your palms, rub together, inhale. Use also as a massage in olive oil.

5. Read read read......by fully understanding panic and anxiety, you will be able to come to terms with it. Knowledge is the key.

6. DONT STOP going out to work or out socially. Your panic WANTS to control you, dont let it. Feel it, but go about your day.

7. See your GP, because medication can be of great help. Try counselling through the NHS or privately. Bach rescue remedy helps some people.

8. Talk to family and friends or post on panic forums to other sufferers.

9. Never give up.

10. Dont drink too much alcohol, it never helps anxiety.

11. Get some fresh air everyday, half an hour is fine.


This was taken from a forum I read on http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/ posted by a 'Paula Lynne' I found this most useful& hope it will also help you too.

Mission Statement

Although I have written a welcome statement, I think its important to talk about why I want to do this. I want this blog to help people understand that they are not alone and they can follow me though my journey which will possibly give them an insight into what therapy they may wish to take or not take. Another important reason is that I have been through panic attacks and disorder myself, so when I read other sufferers on forums talking about how their life is miserable, their lives won't get better and how frightenend and vulnerable they feel it makes me even more passionate to help.
I have been the person trembling under the covers, the person who can't go even go to the shop or walk the dog or go to friends' parties and generally didnt act 'normal'. I got myself so worked up and panicked I actually asked to be hospitalised. This is not how ostracised and alone anybody, let alone a person who panics should feel, and if through being open about my own life or by posting any useful webistes I find can help just one person I will be satisfied.
You are not alone& you will never be alone through panic attacks or panic disorder.
xxx