Progress

HI All,

Well after deciding i was just going to do everything, ive actually done everything so far!

Went to a family function last week. Usually id be apprehensive of not being able to leave as I was on my own and not with anybody with a car, but I was fine. I thought to myself that if i needed to leave I could, at any time I wanted to. I even got in the car with two people Id never met before for a lift!! I would have never done this before!

I also did some walking yesterday to meet a friend. I never do this alone but I was fine. I thought that if I felt bad at all there were houses all around and someone would be able to help me. I then went out last night and didnt worry about it at all!

Ive noticed that people are being much more vocal about their own mental health issues. There was someone at the family function who suffers with anxiety and is really open about it. She even left to go to the hospital half way through after suffering an anxiety attack and came back. I thought how brave!! It just goes to show that perspective really matters.

Someone very close to me is also suffering from mental health issues and from observing how much people are helping her and how she is dealing with it, it really opened my eyes. There really is less stigma attached to it now and its made me much more comfortable accepting it.

If I have a panic attack, Ill go to the medical centre and I will be fine. Its fear and thats all it is :) It doesnt make me a freak



xxxxxxxx

Fear

Do you ever have those times where you consciously observe yourself being worried about something and your 'before' brain comments, like a reflex, on how ridiculous it is?

So I think "Oh that's scary" and my 'before' brain (myself before the panic) , without effort from myself, will be like "how daft that's easy"

How strange that you still have conflicting thoughts. Is that evidence that you are NOT your thoughts, they are just products of a crazy situation that tried to set the precedent for the rest of your life and doesn't always succeed?

Anyway, I just had a conscious conversation with myself where I thought, what would happen if I decided I was going to do everything I was frightened of? For the first time, in a long time, I had real clarity over the thoughts going round in my head. Sort of like an observant role where I could question the validity of my fears and thoughts and what I was doing about them

Although I do something about my panic, I still live my life, I've not ticked everything off my to do list, my crazy list I have of what 'normal' people would be doing.  Now I'm not being hard on myself, I know I'm doing great and Im so proud of how far I have come but there's always one bit more I'm happy to dream about doing. Dream, not do. I think Ive hit the point where I'm back to having a comfort zone, my comfort zone has grown but its sitting stagnant again.

Can a conscious decision to do things really equate to actually doing them. Is it enough?

Well, Ill let you know how I get on!


xx

Anxiety does not define you. You define You.

Interesting quote:

"A pearl is a beautiful thing that is produced by an injured life. It is the tear [that results] from the injury of the oyster. The treasure of our being in this world is also produced by an injured life. If we had not been wounded, if we had not been injured, then we will not produce the pearl."
Stephan Hoeller 

I have said before that this 'anxiety' could be an opportunity. I hardly got on a train before because I didnt like them and anxiety gave me the kick to do it one day. Maybe we are given tests, to prove to ourselves that we are strong enough to get through tough times.

I am not weak because I have anxiety, I am strong- because I have anxiety and I still get on with my life x