Hello all!
So I did my CBT homework and got on a bus. The next day I went to my CBT session and told my therapist Id done what he suggested and survived. He then told me to get on a longer bus journey eg back from university. I was slightly anxious about this because this is what I was meant to do on the day of my massive panic attack in October and I couldnt get on the bus because I was panicking.
Anyway I agreed to do it because Im seeing how far I can push myself, an experiment of sorts.
The next day ( Wednesday) I went to university as usual and it was fine. I didnt panic in my seminar at all.
On the way back, a little away from university, I got on a bus.
At first it was sheer terror because I had seen my dad drive away and thought "oh god this is it" I was clutching my phone thinking "ill text him and get him to come back, Ill get off the bus I cant do it" But I thought no, lets see how long I can do this and not text him. I forced myself to sit there and thought If this feeling is as bad as it is going to get, bring it on. My heart was pumping, I was shaking, sweating and thinking I needed to escape but I didnt I stayed on the bus because I deserve to have a panic free life. I told myself I was stayin on that bus all the way to the end and you know what happened?
After 15 minutes my panic had gone altogether.
Thats right gone. I was sat there looking out of the windows and thinking this is ok.
My CBT therapist had told me I wasnt allowed to use any 'safety behavious' eg talking positively to myself, distracting myself. I had to focus on what I was doing. And you know what it really worked.
I sat there and really went through hell but I made it, and after the panic had risen to its highest point and I didnt escape or start texting or distracting myself, it died away.
I pulled into the bus station and felt so happy and proud of myself!!!!! Ill never forget that feeling.
Not escaping from the situation and facing it was the best thing for me personally because every time I leave a situation because Im scared it always makes me feel worse and the anxiety is more prolonged.
After my bus journey I had no knock-on effects like feeling upset or shaking, I felt amazed with myself.
Today I got up at 6am ( a lot earlier than usual) to go out with my friend to a different town, which is not what I would 'normally' do as a panicker. On the way there I kept telling myself you can do this, if you panic you know what will happen and youll get through it. I didnt panic and stayed out for 8 hours today :)
I got home and felt very productive and tidied some of my house before making tea and relaxing with a small glass of wine.
Im very proud of myself this week! I URGE YOU trust me and face your fears.
It needs a serious degree of effort and you have to believe in yourself! I am so sick of panic Ill literally throw anything at it so I am.
When you feel that wave of panic come over you dont rush to escape, stay in the situation and focus on it. After awhile I PROMISE it will decrease and after awhile you may not feel any anxiety in the situation at all. This may take 30mins - 1hr but it WILL go away! It is a self - fullfilling prophecy so if you think it will beat you, it will! BUT if you Take it on and say you will not beat me, you cannot hurt me, I swear with every ounce of truth I have it will not.
YOU deserve a life unrestricted by panic and the only way thats going to happen is if you take it by both horns and say Ive had enough, things are going to change and be brave.
I found it so so hard I wanted to cry on that bus, but I won the battle, I sat on it.
I hope this was helpful, it really really did work for me!! xxxxx
So I did my CBT homework and got on a bus. The next day I went to my CBT session and told my therapist Id done what he suggested and survived. He then told me to get on a longer bus journey eg back from university. I was slightly anxious about this because this is what I was meant to do on the day of my massive panic attack in October and I couldnt get on the bus because I was panicking.
Anyway I agreed to do it because Im seeing how far I can push myself, an experiment of sorts.
The next day ( Wednesday) I went to university as usual and it was fine. I didnt panic in my seminar at all.
On the way back, a little away from university, I got on a bus.
At first it was sheer terror because I had seen my dad drive away and thought "oh god this is it" I was clutching my phone thinking "ill text him and get him to come back, Ill get off the bus I cant do it" But I thought no, lets see how long I can do this and not text him. I forced myself to sit there and thought If this feeling is as bad as it is going to get, bring it on. My heart was pumping, I was shaking, sweating and thinking I needed to escape but I didnt I stayed on the bus because I deserve to have a panic free life. I told myself I was stayin on that bus all the way to the end and you know what happened?
After 15 minutes my panic had gone altogether.
Thats right gone. I was sat there looking out of the windows and thinking this is ok.
My CBT therapist had told me I wasnt allowed to use any 'safety behavious' eg talking positively to myself, distracting myself. I had to focus on what I was doing. And you know what it really worked.
I sat there and really went through hell but I made it, and after the panic had risen to its highest point and I didnt escape or start texting or distracting myself, it died away.
I pulled into the bus station and felt so happy and proud of myself!!!!! Ill never forget that feeling.
Not escaping from the situation and facing it was the best thing for me personally because every time I leave a situation because Im scared it always makes me feel worse and the anxiety is more prolonged.
After my bus journey I had no knock-on effects like feeling upset or shaking, I felt amazed with myself.
Today I got up at 6am ( a lot earlier than usual) to go out with my friend to a different town, which is not what I would 'normally' do as a panicker. On the way there I kept telling myself you can do this, if you panic you know what will happen and youll get through it. I didnt panic and stayed out for 8 hours today :)
I got home and felt very productive and tidied some of my house before making tea and relaxing with a small glass of wine.
Im very proud of myself this week! I URGE YOU trust me and face your fears.
It needs a serious degree of effort and you have to believe in yourself! I am so sick of panic Ill literally throw anything at it so I am.
When you feel that wave of panic come over you dont rush to escape, stay in the situation and focus on it. After awhile I PROMISE it will decrease and after awhile you may not feel any anxiety in the situation at all. This may take 30mins - 1hr but it WILL go away! It is a self - fullfilling prophecy so if you think it will beat you, it will! BUT if you Take it on and say you will not beat me, you cannot hurt me, I swear with every ounce of truth I have it will not.
YOU deserve a life unrestricted by panic and the only way thats going to happen is if you take it by both horns and say Ive had enough, things are going to change and be brave.
I found it so so hard I wanted to cry on that bus, but I won the battle, I sat on it.
I hope this was helpful, it really really did work for me!! xxxxx
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