MAKE A LIST CHALLENGE

Hello again. I know how hard it is to motivate yourself to do things whether social, domestic or work related so I thought you may like to participate in a challenge.
Make a list of things you would like to do, achievable or not which will begin on Monday. Lets say around 5 such as walking the dog for an extra 10 minutes than usual, food shopping alone, going out for a sociable meal with friends etc. I will also do this and post my list. Each day do 1 of these things. Hopefully this excercise will make you realise you can do things you previously thought you couldnt and encourage you because you know other people are also doing this! At the end of the week whether you have done 3 of these things or 5 you can be proud you did something you thought you couldnt! Even one thing is a step in the right direction! Get thinking x

Another day at uni!

Hello people!
This weekend I was very proud of myself because I went on a night out in the local town. I was abit worried about the journey there but I kept talking to my friends and thinking if I want to go home Ill just get a taxi. My night was really good and I even got a taxi home by myself! Today I went to uni and for the first time in about 5 months I didnt panic on the way there. I read my notes and made annotations. I must admit this made me feel a little travel sick but I kept thinking of positive things like going shopping afterwards with my dad and how excited Ill be to see my partner when he comes home. This kept me in good spirits and in my seminar, if i got panicky Id tell myself "its just one hour, dont think about your breathing just listen to your lecturer" I also thought to myself "you have no stress in your life" because do I really? No. I have a supportive dad who drives me to&from uni, a mother eager to give me hugs, my lovely cats who keep me company and my partner to look to the future with. This really put a positive spin on my day and I hope to keep thinking like this. As usual I will tell you that happiness really does play a role in my panic attacks and I think its essential to getting back to normal. I hope some of my posts are helping you. Like ive said before, in October 2011 I thought id rather be dead. Now in February Im conquering it. Love and support to you all. You CAN beat this x

My tips for happiness

Happiness has been a key factor in my life since this all began. If i wasn't having a panic attack, I was depressed because I though I was going to have one, I felt like it was ruining my life etc.
To combat this I propose you literally do what makes you happy whether this is going for a walk with your dog, watching your favourite films, having a pig out! , changing careers, crying when you need to release some stress...
Personally I was too hard on myself with university. I kept thinking I'm not doing as well as I did with my A levels, I wont get a 'top job'. This is ridiculous. Doing a law degree is hard enough and as long as I get the degree what else matters.
I was also unhappy with my relationship because my partner& I never communicated. This changed when we started to talk about our issues eg making time for eachother and this made me much happier because there wasnt as much tension and anamosity.
Some suggestions for you would be;
Get out of bed when you cannot be bothered! This made a huge change to me because my outlook on the day was a more productive one. My house is now tidy, well looked after and washing and ironing is always done. This in turn created a more positive atmosphere for me. A tidy home is a tidy mind! Plus this activity could be a distraction for you if youre feeling particulary anxious.
Crying. I always, always go on about crying. It is essential to releasing stress and emotions you're feeling. I actually read an article that said that crying releases the stress chemical in your tears. Although this can be stipulated, I think crying when you need to cry is essential. I speak to so many of my friends that say they cry for no apparent reason sometimes. Good! Crying never did anyone any harm. Bottling your feelings up is certainly not going to do anything positive for your mental and physical health. If you want to cry, sod it and cry!
Look forward to things. Make plans with family and friends so if you are having a bad day you have something to focus your mind on! "I can get through my day because.." I'm looking forward to my birthday in April and seeing my partner when he returns. This cheers me up when I'm low and I start to look for birthday decor, or thinking about what I can cook when hes home.
Exercise. Lots and lots of websites advise you to exercise when you're feeling low because it releases 'feel good' chemicals into your body. Personally I'm just happy with the thinking time that going for a walk or jog gives me. Its also a change of scenery if you have been stuck in the house or office and you need an escape.
Acceptance and forgiveness I was so angry with my mother and father for not listening to me for years when I used to panic which then culminated into panic disorder. My relationship with my mother suffered and this resulted in me isolating my from my family. I have now made peace with this because I realise I cannot change the past. This is my life and I will take control to make it better.
I was also fed up, frustrated, depressed that I had panic disorder. "Why me?" "why cant it just go away" Truth is sometimes it might happen but its not going to ruin my life. It will go away but it will just take time. Everybody in the world has been affected by some sort of mental illness whether it be depression, anxiety, grief... so I'm not a freak or 'not normal' because I panic, it is just a temporary ailment and I'm not going to be hard on myself because of it.
This is where my therapist really peed me off. She said "you shouldn't say that other people suffer so its OK because it sounds like you don't want to change" I do want to change and I will change, but whilst I am feeling like this I wont be angry or upset with myself because how will I ever be happy? I don't think she is right there.
Trust Yourself. This experience made me lose my confidence and rely on the opinions and advice of others. Obviously it is very beneficial to ask for help and I would suggest this 100% but also trust your own mind. From Octover 2011 I have become 'friends' with myself again. This may sound very strange but when I had my panic episode I lost all trust in my mind and body because I wasnt in control of them for those few days because of the panicky thoughts and sweating, trembling. Since then I have regained this by making my own mind up and trusting myself. I did this by thinking rationaly, doing little things by myself like going for a walk or going to the shops by myself. This made me realise I was safe to do things by myself without the reassurance of others and I was in control of my mind. I didnt rely on other people as much which made me feel more independant and that panic had less control over my life. This may be a strange concept to you but it has had a huge impact on me because I finally feel like Im back in control and can stop panic thoughts before they grow into a full blown panic attack.
Lastly, I'm not advising you go out, quit your job, split up with your partner and make rash decisions. I just think that making some minor changes to your lifestyle may benefit you if you're not in a happy place such as adding a walk to your daily routine, allowing yourself to have an emotional release, having a more positive outlook.
This is your life, you already have anxiety so dont let anything else affect you aswel :)

Friday

Hello! Yesterday I went to my friend's pub for a few hours. I was worried id feel a bit trapped once dropped off but because its my local area that I grew up in, I felt relaxed and eventually got a taxi home. This cheered me up a lot and showed me I can go back to my old sociable ways! Today I got a lift from another friend to H's house (a friend who no longer has panic attacks) We stopped at a petrol station and I didnt panic once because since the panic episodes I have only got lifts from my parents so I was really proud that Id broke that habit. I stayed at my friend's from half eight till half twelve with no urge to run home or panic! I just kept telling myself "you have money so if you wanted to go home you could"I stopped focusing on that and relaxed by 'getting into' the film we watched and concentrated on that. I turned down offers of wine because I was doing so well I didnt want to jepodise it. And to be honest I probably had a better time without it! We laughed and talked about old times and it felt as though nothing bad had ever happened to me. I urge you, if theres something you want to do, then do it. If your dog had an injured leg but you threw its ball, would it run? Yes because the enjoyment of chasing his ball would outweigh the pain. Live your life! Sometimes going to uni gets me down because its compulsory&not for my enjoyment and I think this contributes to the difficulty of pushing myself to go. The soul purpose of being sociable or active is for your enjoyment. Pushing yourself to do these things may be hard but these are things You enjoy so they will counter balance the panic you feel! Afterwards you will feel like you have accomplished something. I certainly feel like Im getting my life back even after the bad week I had previously. If I can do it, so can you! I believe in you.
I didnt have a counselling session because my mum's car was at the mechanic's but I feel fine and will be having another as usual next week. Stay positive, Goodnight!

Ash wednesday

Hello all! Decided I would give up panicking and alcohol for lent. I went to university today and kept telling myself "im happy, im fine and nothing bad will happen" This worked really well and although I had a little panic in my seminar who cares I still went :) I think a positive attitude is paramount with panic atracks. Ive since found some positive pictures that I think you may like

Confidential info on CBT waiting list times in NHS

So, I just came off the phone with a lady from the NHS who deals with CBT in this area. What I was told is absolutely disgusting and this is why it is paramount to support charities such as 'REthink' and others that push for change in the mental health sector.
The waiting time for any therapy in the NHS is 45 weeks. Yes weeks. Excuse my french but are they f****** mad!! Ive been on the list since April 2011 and apparently still have 10 weeks before I receive an appointment. What a good job I pay for therapy privately. But this is completely unnacceptable for people who cannot afford it and are desperate.
If you are in this position go to your GP and explain to them you need them to send a letter to the therapy services to hasten your appointment. Exhaust all of the self help techniques you can and talk to friends and family. It is alledged by the member of staff I spoke to that 500 people a month are referred to therapy services with only 5 clinicians. One thing that is clear is that the NHS is certainly not catering for the mentally ill and it is completely immoral and inhumane. If you need therapy make sure you are referred ASAP.
I do not want this post to worry you as you CAN help yourself. I havent had any CBT and just talk to my person centered therapist. You made not need it and waiting lists may be quicker and shorter where you are. Keep hopeful but also realistic. There is help out there, it may not be CBT and you will get better!

Happy shrove tuesday!

First of all I hope you've had your pancakes today!
I had a bad week last week and combined with my partner going away for a few months I was alltogether quite down in the dumps emotionally. Yesterday after I went to uni I decided to ring my friend 'H' to talk to her about how I felt. She also has panic attacks but has booked a holiday, holds down a job and does allsorts of things I havent mastered yet. I spoke to her about how down I was feeling and how I felt like panic attacks were again stopping me from living my life. She asked me what was the worst thing that was going to happen to me when I panicked. I said I dont know and she told me nothing. Of course I knew nothing would, its the fear of fear. This has put me in an optimistic mood. I know being frightened is absolutely horrible but its just a feeling and nothing bad is going to happen. Im going to keep telling myself this when I feel a bit anxious and keep thinking positive thoughts. I am going to starve the monster.
I felt quite bad when I started to let it take hold of me again as though Id failed but Ive not. I still go out and Ive come a long way. Sometimes you just need another kick up the bum to put you back on track. Im going for a run now as I find that quite relaxing and productive.
Have a lovely day!